you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
