Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
