What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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