So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
