Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
