I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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