I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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