He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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