Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
