no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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