My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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