i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
