I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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