I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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