At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
