I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
