C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
