Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
