Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
