i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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