It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
