ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
