You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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