Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
