I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
