I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
