Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
