i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
