i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
did i walk over a car last night?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
