shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
