it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
