I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
