Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
