You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
