so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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