You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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