Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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