his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
