I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
