I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Everclear isn't food dammit
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