morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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