Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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