Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
