i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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