I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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