so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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