The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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