That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
