I look better un-naked...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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