And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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