It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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