Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
